3-the diary of an-6

 W

anxiety

arrior

Searching for sanity?




🎶Come away with me, Come away with me

It's never too late, it's not too late

It's not too late for you

I have a plan for you

I have a plan for you

It's gonna be wild

It's gonna be great

It's gonna be full of me

Open up your heart and let me in. It’s not too late.🎶


I don’t know if you listen to Jesus Culture but they have a song called Come Away. Those are the lyrics above. 60 words, yet the song is over 7 minutes long!! To sit and listen to that song - with your eyes closed - is an experience. I recommend it... and while doing it, imagine God is speaking directly to you.


I remember when I first heard the song a couple of years ago, I balled! It came at a time when I needed to hear it, and I heard it as God speaking to me.


It gave me hope!!!


My life’s direction changed right around the same time. I was encouraged to FREELY open up my heart to God’s plan for me, instead of my own plan for me.


His plan for me has indeed been full of Him. I invited Him to have His way with me... and He has. It was a change. It has been a bit scary. It caused me to look within and doubt myself and my abilities...heck I still have those moments!!


But then, what He shows me every time - as I continue to turn to Him in those times of self doubt or those times when I begin to concern myself with the future or when I try and figure things out - is this:


My life is unmanageable by my own power. Only God can restore my balance so that I am of sound mind, and so that I am confident in my identity and purpose.... which causes me to move forward and continue boldly pursuing that which He has called me to do. All the wild things that are full of Him.


This morning, after I meditated and when I was writing this.. I was reminded of God doing this very same thing - on a different level - 17 years ago, when I cried out to Him in desperation after I had come to the end of my rope.


I was depressed, full of anxiety and ready for my life to end.


I was exhausted after trying to find the power within myself to live a sane life... To take care of my son as a single mom... To continue working at a job where I was sexually harassed almost daily...


What caused me to FINALLY get to the end of my rope was that I considered a proposition given to me by a friend of my fathers. A man who was well off and knew what troubles I was having. He knew my desperate state. He knew I was about to be homeless so in secret, he offered to pay my mortgage if I slept with him. That was the last straw for me.


I was making horrible choices and living far outside of God’s will. I was trying everything within MY power to have peace and to be happy. All of which didn’t work in the end.


I called out to God in January of 2001 and asked Him to help me, because I was done. I had no idea what to do anymore - and He was my last hope. I didn’t realize, at that time, He was actually my first hope and He was just waiting on me to turn to Him so that He could forgive me and guide me. And that He has....


He’s guided and I’ve followed as best as I could. I’ve stepped off the path many times over the years, I am sure. But He always brings me back - because I ask Him to. God knows that I want my will to align with His will for me.. and not the other way around. I tried that.. my will for me is NOTHING compared to what God wills for my life. His ways and His thoughts are much higher than my own. He knows best and I trust that.


I’ve learned that following God through this life brings MUCH more sanity than following myself or others.


Where do you turn when you’re feeling overwhelmed, or off balance? Or when you’re challenged or facing adversity? Where do you turn when you’re going through the trials and tribulations of life - that you will have? God said you would have them, but He also said to turn to Him. He will give you rest. He will restore your hope.


God has a plan for you... just open up your heart and let Him in. 🌷


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